I took a menopause quiz recently, you know, for shits-n-giggles, to find out in what stage of menopause hell I currently reside. I answered all the questions honestly, I didn't linger or debate over my decisions and according to this extremely scientific questionnaire (insert eye roll) I am post-menopausal. That doesn't sound right, I'm only three and a half years in! Now, I know the best way to determine time served would be to visit a gyno, but ain't nobody got time for that. Besides, my vagina has been closed for business since 2013, so it might take the jaws of life to get her to open up for a looksee. Also, my nipples are hard all. the. time. I'm not cold. I'm definitely not, you know, excited. What's up with that? No pun intended, because although they stand at attention (which is ironic for someone with zero sex drive) my boobs have lost every bit of their elasticity, meaning nips point straight down. From the front they look like the nose of this proboscis monkey, that also unfortunately looks like a quaggy penis, poor creature. And by poor creature I'm not sure if I mean me, or the monkey.
If I am indeed on the downslope of the change, then I can say that for me personally, it hasn't been all that bad...aside from the hot flashes, saggy tits, dry skin, swollen feet, nausea, migraine headaches, blurred vision, dizziness, trouble sleeping and difficulty concentrating. The absolute worst aspect, hands down, has been the killer crippling depression heaped upon the shoulders of my normal daily depression, which, in turn has been amplified recently by rona and the loss of my job. I've also been out of face moisturizer for the last few months, so there's that too...sigh.
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