Because I'm going it alone in uncharted territory here, I can't say with one hundred percent certainty that recent horrifically vivid nightmares, and dead of night head-on-fire migraines can be blamed on menopause, but what else could it be?! Dreams, worse than any childhood imagining, wake me with a start, on the verge of tears praying to Jesus for comfort. I lay awake for hours feeling like I've pulled something evil into my reality that has to be banished with the Word of God. I chant quietly, my favorite prayer, until sleep returns with a dreamless clean slate. Haunted for days afterward and searching for some subliminal meaning to my nightmares, I have found a common theme...helplessness.
In the absence of dream demons, there are migraines. I woke several nights ago from a dead sleep to a headache so painful that I thought about calling the paramedics. I've had migraines in the past, but this was beyond compare. I stumbled to the kitchen for some extra strength Tylenol, which is the strongest medicine in the house and lay back down. Again, on the verge of tears I contemplated my next move...wake my daughter and have her take me to the ER, or wait for the Tylenol to ease the excruciating pain in my skull. I opted for the latter and sleep eventually found me once again. How bad does a headache have to be before seeking immediate medical attention? Again, I feel helpless.
I'm fond of saying...God woke me up today, so I guess I'm not done here yet...I search for the good in every day, but sleep deprivation, depression, anxiety and heaps of stress don't make it easy. There's not much joy to be found in the mundane. I always, always thank the Creator for my daughters, my islands in the storm who fill my heart with so much love, peace and wonder. I wish those feelings would conquer whatever comes for me while I sleep.
Peace
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